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Two years ago France were heading towards a World Cup Final penalty shoot-out and would’ve fancied themselves.

Coco the Clown was in goal, the Italians had lost on pens in the Final before, and they had the genius that is Zinedine Zidane, who had already scored the best penalty ever scored that night. Then the wheels fell off. Zidane had an inexplicable rush of blood, got himself sent off, and they were left a man short as the Italians beat them in the shoot-out. Last night, the same thing happened. Well, sort of.

Of course, Drogba isn’t on the same Planet as Zidane in footballing terms. Didier Drogba is a plank. He’s not a flawed genius, he’s a plank. If anyone has the temerity to point the finger of blame in John Terry’s direction for last night’s defeat they should have said finger chopped off. Drogba should’ve been taking that penalty. He could’ve had the chance to kick the ball that won the European Champions League. But he didn’t, because he’s a plank.

With some four minutes to go before penalties, the all-too familiar embarrassing scuffle between Manchester United and Chelsea players - complete with finger-wagging, referee-shoving and girlish name-calling - reared its ugly head. Drogba stepped up and proved how cataclysmically stupid a human being can really be. He committed; as Martin Tyler surmised perfectly; professional suicide in slapping Nemanja Vidic in the face.

Imbecilic, childish, ridiculous… one thing it wasn’t, however, as many of today’s papers have described it, was ‘unbelievable’. Drogba’s babyish, petulant personality was a ticking time bomb which exploded last night. All season we have been subjected to his moaning, his histrionics, his diving and his inexplicable statements to the Press in which he insists he wants to leave Chelsea. Maybe now is the time Didier?

You have to spare a thought though for John Terry. Unlike his England colleague Ferdinand, who was below-par last night, Terry stepped up and was tremendous, as was exemplified in his instinctive goal-saving clearance from Giggs’s effort. He could’ve had the best moment of his life and instead ended up having the worst moment of his life, by the thickness of a post. Tough stuff. Lampard too was excellent, his skill in cracking the bar with his left on the turn deserved better. Chelsea fans must have an awful sense of “what might’ve been” today, and with Essien, (who would walk into a World XI), wasted at right-back they deserve some sympathy.
Hats off to United, though, who should’ve led at the break. Tevez’s diving header should’ve completed one of the best goals ever scored on the big stage and they were simply fantastic in the first half.

What a crying shame Terry and Lampard can’t get over their disappointment by leading England to their first European Championship triumph next month. But don’t even get me started on that one.